Just Another New Year's Post

Looking back over my previous post, I can't really help but laugh. In the months since, that particular roller coaster has completely flown off the tracks, crashed and burned into a fiery demise. And that pretty much sums up my 2011! I'm sure there were high points, every year has to have high points, right? At this particular reflective moment I'm hard-pressed to come up with any. It was a year of self-doubt, stagnation and feeling rather lost most of the time. That's really no way to live.

So, like many other people, I'm sure, I am looking forward to 2012 saying it's going to be better. Whether it really will be or not, I haven't a clue. What I do know is that it's going to be the year of ME.

This year I'm going to focus on getting myself together, so to speak. I'm going to try very hard not to get lost in other people, where I've spent most of the last two years. It's time to focus on moving myself forward and making my way to a life fulfilled.

For those who know me, they will know that I have some sort of plan to make this happen. I'm all about the making of plans! Sticking to them, not my strong suit, so that's definitely one of the things I'm going to be working on in the coming months.

I take heart in knowing I'm not going this journey of self-discovery and self-correcting alone, as my dear friend, who my recent reconnection with has given uncountable good things, is coming along for the ride whilst on her own journey of self sorting! Hopefully together we can help each other get things in order.

Also, no matter what else happens, I know that I'll accomplish at least one thing this year that I've been wanting to do for a while and that is actually meet that dear friend in person - so 2012 is already looking loads better than 2011 just for that alone! Roll on April!

So, here we go, another year. Let's get this one right, shall we?

The Shape of Things to Come

The final week of December always finds me in hopeful anticipation of the year to come. This year is no different, except, this year I find myself more excited about the prospects of what's to come than ever before. For the first time in a very long time, I feel as though I have a sense of direction and purpose in life. No longer are the days of barely making it out of bed and just floating through the days. Before I was merely existing - now it feels more like actually living. And, I must admit, it's a darn good feeling!

Not that this past year was bad, mind you, I'm certainly a lot better of than many, many people in this world. And 2009 did have some very good happenings. I made some wonderful new friends this year, thanks to my newfound addiction - Twitter. And by the inspiration and encouragement of these new friends I also came upon a new hobby - writing, including this blog!

So now on to 2010! I'm usually not big on making resolutions, because I never stick to them. But this year, I've decided to look at resolutions in a different way. Instead of setting myself up for failure by making likely unkeepable promises, I've decided to concentrate on small things, two actually - that I think I can actually do.

In a previous post, I resolved to accept compliments when given, and not constantly whine about how I'm not worthy of such praise. I've been working on that one for the past few weeks, and it's going well so far.

My second resolution for this year is to pay closer attention. Too often, I become ensconced in my own head and within my own little world and miss what's going on around me. It's not even just big world events that seem to escape me, sometimes it's just in regular conversation. Perhaps, I'm trying to do too many things at once and am not really the master multi-tasker I envision myself to be. Whatever the reason, I'm going to really put forth the effort to pay closer attention to the world and people around me.

Seems relatively simple and manageable, and a bit like I have very low expectations of myself. So, in addition to those little resolutions, I think I should also have some plans and goals for the upcoming year.

Compliments, Whining and a Resolution!

It was recently brought to my attention that I seem to find difficulty in taking compliments. It's true, I do, I always have. Well, maybe not always. It is yet another effect that the anxiety disorder has heaved upon me. One that I've begun to find very irritating.

I mean really, what is so hard about just saying "Thank you" and going on my merry way? Nothing, I tell you! Nothing at all! It's not difficult, I just make it that way.

Inside my head I hear all the wonderful comments and truly sincere sentiments being sent my way and inexplicably determine myself to be unworthy of such praise. Why? Who the heck knows, I certainly don't.

That may not be entirely true...I do know a bit about the why. What for some may be a joyous thing, having someone tell them of their glory, is for others a glaring reminder of broken self-esteem.

To not be able to see in oneself what others seem so easily to find is utterly frustrating. And really rather stupid, if you think about it, which I have been.

Therefore, I have decided it's time to do something about this irritating character flaw. And what a perfect time of year to begin this quest for self-approval!

I've never really been a person who makes a New Year's resolution, as I never found it necessary to add something else that would go undone to my list of things to do. However, as this seems more 'doable' than promising not to buy things I don't really need, I'm optimistic that I will stick to it.

So after reading this, if you are one of those lovely people who says something complimentary to me and I begin to whine about not being worthy, just tell me to shut up!!