Having said all I said in the previous post, I have found myself now entering the strange land of adulthood in respect to relationships. At 31 now, I realize I'm a bit late to the adulthood party, but better late than never, I suppose.
This past week has seen the very worst parts of me come into light as my brain kicked into people-pleaser mode and I attempted to be someone I'm not. There are times when I want so badly to make other people happy that I do and say things that I may want to be more true than they really are. As you can probably guess, this almost ALWAYS ends badly, with more hurt than would have come about had I just been honest in the first place.
Normally at this juncture of pain and hurt feelings, I would cut and run, so to speak, believing the other person much better off without me. And honestly, feeling relieved at having extricated myself from a situation of conflict. Then would come the rationalization for my abhorrent behavior: It wouldn't have worked out anyway, so you've just saved yourself and the other person pain and heartache later on.
As I attempted to cut, run and rationalize myself out of my current situation, something rather strange occurred. A thought actually: what if instead of all that, I actually acted a bit more like the adult my age reflects.
It turned out to be not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be, perhaps owing to the fact that the other person in the situation was more lovely and understanding than I likely deserved.
So, here I am both feet firmly placed in the land of adults and adult-thinking, embarking on a fun new adventure of sorts. I have no idea where I will end up in this new strange territory, and honestly, that really scares me a bit. But, for the first time I'm actually looking forward to seeing what will come.
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3 comments:
It's always disconcerting to move to a new place. :)
But, as you found out, being open to any and all experiences--while scary--does enrich one's life.
One of the worse part about being an adult? This quote says it all:
“Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps”
xxx
Once again, I think that you and I have read from the same page, of the book of life!
I do often find, that I have to make a concerted not to be disappointed with myself and maintain an objective view of situations!
I suppose that, that IS being adult! Though, you certanly could not accuse me of being so, ALL the time!
Enjoying your candid posts!
Keep them up!
Great writing, Robin. I've found that whatever comes out of truthfulness is sustainable and energizing. The other, people-pleasing way (in my experience!) is exhausting and debilitating, full of loss and can kill you. No wonder you've been leery of relationships. To experience love and affection based on who you really are is such a relief. Whew!
xm
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