The Perplexing Nature of Retail Therapy

With yesterday's arrival of my shiny new netbook also came a noticeable elevation in my spirits. After my happy high following the writing of my short story came a sudden sinking into an odd type of sadness. I call it an odd type of sadness because it's really not sadness at all, but it's rather difficult for me to accurately explain and sadness seems the closest logical description. I suppose numbness would be a better fit, for really during these dark times I don't feel much of anything at all.

Anyway, I won't go into all the sad and whiny talk about that. However, a thought occurred to me as I gleefully unwrapped my new toy: Is this really all it takes to make me happy?? Is this why I have so much stuff, because I simply purchase my way to happiness?

It's true, I do tend to shop more when I'm feeling down, and sometimes it does make me feel better, but not always. No, sometimes the retail therapy binges cause me to feel even worse, especially when I actually take a peek at the bank account to see exactly how much I've spent. So, I had to ask myself, why the heck do I do this??

I really don't have the answer. I suppose I do it because even if it's fleeting, that small happiness that comes with getting a shiny new toy or article of clothing (not shiny), or a lovely pair of shoes (possibly shiny) is something I want. It's just so easy to point and click and have a magical brown package arrive at your doorstep three to five days later. And yes, it makes me feel good.

I do, however, take heart in the fact that shopping is not my only source of happiness found. There are plenty of other things in my life that produce happiness for me. The usual things, family, friends,and the fact that I have a job I like and that supports my sad shopping habit are all things I am blessed with and very happy to have.

But when I'm in a down cycle I generally like to be alone, and when I'm alone I like to go online, and invariably when I'm online I like to peruse online shops.

Mind you, I do not always purchase something. Luckily, the anxiety disorder takes over before any large purchases. At which time I will then spend three to four days immersed in research of the object of my desire until I know exactly which one is the best to get. Sometimes during this time the impulse to buy whatever it is goes away. Sometimes, research is joined with rationalizations about why I need a particular item.

Case in point, the nifty little netbook I am now using to write this blog post. Did I necessarily need a netbook? No. Did I think I needed a netbook? Not really. Did I come up with fantastical reasons why I did actually need a netbook? Why, yes, in fact I did. Do I now adore the little netbook and never want to be parted from it? I truly hope I'm not that much of a nutter, but I do really like it. :)

Perhaps I just lack sufficient self-control, which would go with all of the other self lacking issues I seem to have. That's a story for another day.

Today, I'm a happy girl. And right now that's enough for me, even if that happiness came courtesy of a package delivered by the UPS guy.