Stranger in a Strange Land

Having said all I said in the previous post, I have found myself now entering the strange land of adulthood in respect to relationships. At 31 now, I realize I'm a bit late to the adulthood party, but better late than never, I suppose.

This past week has seen the very worst parts of me come into light as my brain kicked into people-pleaser mode and I attempted to be someone I'm not. There are times when I want so badly to make other people happy that I do and say things that I may want to be more true than they really are. As you can probably guess, this almost ALWAYS ends badly, with more hurt than would have come about had I just been honest in the first place.

Normally at this juncture of pain and hurt feelings, I would cut and run, so to speak, believing the other person much better off without me. And honestly, feeling relieved at having extricated myself from a situation of conflict. Then would come the rationalization for my abhorrent behavior: It wouldn't have worked out anyway, so you've just saved yourself and the other person pain and heartache later on.

As I attempted to cut, run and rationalize myself out of my current situation, something rather strange occurred. A thought actually: what if instead of all that, I actually acted a bit more like the adult my age reflects.

It turned out to be not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be, perhaps owing to the fact that the other person in the situation was more lovely and understanding than I likely deserved.

So, here I am both feet firmly placed in the land of adults and adult-thinking, embarking on a fun new adventure of sorts. I have no idea where I will end up in this new strange territory, and honestly, that really scares me a bit. But, for the first time I'm actually looking forward to seeing what will come.