Born To Run

I'm a runner...in every sense of the word.

Firstly, in the physical sense, I love to run. My mind can often be my worst enemy, a cruel and spiteful voice screaming from within. No one has ever been meaner to me than I have been to myself (well, maybe a few people). Likewise, no one has ever thought worse about me than I do (except possibly that guy from 2001, but that's another story).

The point is, I'm exceedingly hard on myself and more often than not I find myself in a battle to understand that I'm not nearly as terrible as I think I am. This is when I love to run the most. There is something a bit euphoric about having a clear mind, free from the constant deluge of harrowing thoughts. And that's what happens when I run. It's a peaceful bliss I rarely find elsewhere. It's also a nice escape from screaming children and blocks being bounced off one's head. I love my job, but it can be complete torture even on the best of days!

The second type of running I do isn't anywhere near as good as the first. In fact, it's often the cause of those evil thoughts that spur me to clear my head. I run from conflict - all kinds of conflict. Apparently when my DNA was being formed those thirty-one odd years ago the fight part of my fight or flight response was misplaced. (If anyone reading this is in possession of my fight response, I'd love to have it back, thanks!)

I do not deal well in conflict situations at all. When conflict strikes in a relationship, I tend to bolt. I can't get away fast enough. I'm not sure if it's because I'm always embroiled in conflict with myself that I just don't have the energy or will to duke it out with others, or that I'm just a bit weak. My evil mind would likely choose the latter, well, because it's evil like that :).

It's this second type of running that has inspired this blog post.

These past few weeks I have encountered a bit of conflict in the world of Twitter, a place I have come to consider a normally happy part of my life. There are some persons who apparently thrive on causing conflict and spewing hatred. It's easy enough, I suppose, to say vicious things to people you cannot actually see, to hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen.

So the other day when an 'attack' of this nature occurred to myself and a lovely friend, I did what I always do...nothing. I quietly hid and watched it all horrifically unfold.

I cannot tell you how angry this made me at myself, how that little damning voice inside my head screamed at my cowardice.

The next morning, I went for a run...